Clearing the Fog: Recognizing Understanding and Protecting Against Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of verbal and emotional abuse that is endemic in our society. It can be subtle and hard to spot but causes lasting damage to their self-esteem, self-confidence, and ability to communicate assertively. Clients who suffer from emotional abuse such as gaslighting may be more vulnerable to continued abuse in many settings, including personal relationships, family relationships, and the workplace. By learning to see and call out gaslighting in the moment, professionals can support their clients in building resiliency, reducing their vulnerability to ongoing abuse, and helping clients develop healthier relationships.

Workshop Outline: Definition and Examples of Gaslighting

• Definition and goals of gaslighting in relationships
• Origins of the term (The play Gas Light and subsequent films) and modern examples of gaslighting in books, movies, social media, advertising
• Examples of who may be victimized by gaslighting
• Examples of common gaslighting phrases and scenarios

Dangers and Damages of Gaslighting

• Statistics regarding repeated cycles of abuse, codependency
• Damage to victims’ self-esteem and self-confidence
• Effects on the sense of self-efficacy
• Gaslighting on macro level - communities, society, social institutions

Specifics: Gaslighting in Relationships

• Romantic/intimate relationships
• Friendships
• Family relationships
  • Family of origin
  • In-laws
  • Divorce and custody issues
• Work

Gaslighting in Society

• How gaslighting shows up on a larger scale: social media and advertising
• Gaslighting within some religious sectors
• Social effects: Medical gaslighting, retraumatizing victims of sexual assault
• Minority gaslighting (denying traumatic experiences associated with bias, prejudice, and power structures)
  • Racial gaslighting (denying systemic racism, whataboutism, blaming victims of racial profiling or police brutality, etc)
  • Sexual minority gaslighting (LGBTQ+)
  • Gender and sexism (misogyny, patriarchal values, shaming men for expressing emotions)
• News, media, and public figures

Signs and Side Effects of Gaslighting

• How this shows up for our clients
• Loss of self-confidence
• Emotional disturbance
• Increased vulnerability to emotional abuse
• Decreased autonomy
• Increased risk of codependency
• Retraumatizing survivors of abuse and trauma

Healing the Damage

• Developing insight and self-awareness
  • Helping clients recognize gaslighting in their lives
  • Helping clients understand how early relationship blueprints can prime them to be targets of gaslighting
  • Helping clients recognize their role in a toxic cycle
• Self-forgiveness and compassion
  • Healing from shame at being victimized or making poor choices
  • Interrupting self-criticism and instituting more positive self-talk
  • Rebuilding trust in oneself
  • Accepting their perspective may always be different than the gaslighter’s and that doesn’t mean they are wrong
  • Tuning into the body to validate their experience
• Developing assertiveness
  • Disrupting messages that “no” is mean or unloving
  • Distinguishing between assertiveness, aggression, passive aggression
  • Learning to express needs clearly, directly, and openly
• Setting healthier boundaries
  • Distancing from emotionally unhealthy relationships
  • Coping with guilt, anxiety, or shame over setting boundaries
  • Prioritizing their health over others’ happiness
  • Setting realistic expectations: boundaries don’t guarantee better treatment, they give you permission to stop tolerating poor treatment
• Seeking out and building more positive relationships
  • Identifying traits of healthy relationships
  • Identifying barriers to those relationships, such as the belief that you are undeserving, not good enough, unwanted, etc, and healing those wounds
  • IFS, radical acceptance, EMDR, some CBT, DBT, narrative therapy, somatic experiencing - all ways to explore underlying schemas and unravel problematic beliefs
  • Being more picky about where to expend time and emotional energy

Live Event This is a live online event. It will be conducted via Zoom Webinar.