Love With Nowhere to Go: Supporting Clients Through Grief, Rituals, and Continuing Bonds

"We all have roles in life. But what happens when a role is stripped away and a void is left? Who is the caregiver going to care for now? Is there a name for the mother who lost their child? ... this forced shift in identity can take them to a place of feeling helpless, hopeless, and empty."

104542 Goodbye Rituals and Continuing Bonds for Grievers

Live Event

Fri, Jul 10th, 2026

9:00am – 10:00am US Mountain Time

1 CE Hour Grief

Many clinicians struggle with supporting clients who remain tightly connected to the life they had before their loss. In this training, participants will explore underlying reasons why some clients have difficulty accepting the reality of their loss. Attendees will learn ways clients can say goodbye to their loved one through grief rituals and continuing-bond activities that help maintain a meaningful...

I'm glad you chose to join me as National Grief Awareness Day, commemorated on August 30th, is quickly approaching. Although in recent years, grief, mourning, and loss are more readily discussed, not so long ago, grief was a taboo word. It was a topic that people avoided because it brought so much pain, uneasiness, and for some, feelings of despair on how to manage it.

For years, the griever would grapple with finding a stable place in life after their world had been turned upside down. Naturally, many turned to their support system. But, instead of receiving a safe space where a listening ear would comfort and encourage the griever, many heard statements such as, "It's time to let go," "You have to move on," or "You're not over this yet?"

The "encouragement" given from the support system derives directly from Freud’s 1917 essay, Mourning and Melancholia. In Mourning and Melancholia, he describes the path to returning to "normal." The key step in this path is to break ties with the deceased as quickly as possible. Later, the Grief Work Model expounded on this essay.

As time went on, experts in the grief community realized that it's not about breaking ties, but about staying connected. It's about acknowledging and reshaping the connection that has been severed. There are many ways to acknowledge and reshape the connection, including grief rituals and continuing bond activities.

Holding On to The Past

How is it that some clients seem to move through grief and reach a place of normalcy, while others seem to become "stuck" in the grieving process? How can we introduce grief rituals and continuing bond activities with clients who are holding on so tightly to the relationship they once had, the ones who become trapped in grief? The first step is to understand why our client is holding on so tightly to the world they once knew.

There are many reasons why a client will cling to and relive the relationship they once had, reasons like fear, body remembrance, and identity. Fear of how life will look without their loved one. Fear of stepping into a new world and space without this person. The unknown of how they will be able to live life with a broken relationship.

There's a well-known book called, The Body Keeps the Score, by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. In this book, he describes how our body remembers events. It can be triggered through a sensation, a sound, or even a smell. Once our body is triggered to remember this past trauma, our brain registers this information as a presently experienced event.

For example, although a client's loved one died 8 years ago, when a certain smell enters their nostrils, their body is immediately taken back to when they received the news of their loved one's death. Their body returns to how it felt on that tragic day. Their mind whirls back to those thoughts. Their emotions become unregulated. They are reliving that tragic day. Some clients can recognize what is happening and transition back to present life. Other clients may mentally, emotionally, and physically stay in that past moment for weeks or months, reliving the loss.

We all have roles in life. Maybe you're a mother, a friend, a father, a cousin, or a teacher. We transition in and out of these roles as needed, but, what happens when a role is stripped away and a void is left? The adult child who was a Caregiver of their parent for 12 years. The mother who cherished raising their only child for 17 years. The father who enjoyed loving his wife for 52 years. Each of these losses result in a void being left and a change in identity. Who is the caregiver going to care for now? Is there a name for the mother who lost their child? How does the husband adjust to the identity of widower?

For many, this forced shift in identity can take them to a place of feeling helpless, hopeless, and empty.

Goodbye Rituals

In recent years, more attention has been placed on grief and the griever's journey. Many new grief models (ways to approach the griever, as well as interventions) have been brought into realization. One of those interventions is Grief Rituals. There are three types of Grief Rituals: Cultural, Religious and Individual.

For example, the Day of the Dead that is practiced in Mexico. It's a 3-day celebration where the community comes together to acknowledge the people who have died. Home-going, Funeral, Janazah, and many others, are ritualistic ceremonies riddled with religious contexts honoring the person' who has died. It's common for both cultural and religious grief-related rituals to be welcomed and practiced. Yet, some are still skeptical when discussing individual grief rituals and their benefits.

We may hear clients say, "I don't need that," "That sounds weird," or "I shouldn't have to do that. I should be able to move on." It's crucial we address our client's apprehension and provide psycho-education to reduce judgment, anxieties, and frustrations. So, what exactly are individual Grief Rituals? I appreciate Therese Rando, a clinical psychologist who specializes in loss and grief. They state that loss and grief is, “a specific behavior or activity which gives symbolic expression to certain feelings and thoughts of the actor.” This direct, yet unrestricted, definition allows the client and clinician to creatively fashion a grief ritual specific to what the client needs to help them navigate their grief journey.

Continuing Bond Activities

The APA's overview of the continuing-bond approach states: "The increasingly influential continuing-bond approach to the bereavement process focuses on ways in which the emotional and symbolic relationship with the deceased can be reconstructed and integrated into the bereaved’s life."

The Continuing Bond Theory (developed in the late 90's by Klass, Silverman, and Nickman), encourages individuals to recognize that when someone dies, the relationship doesn’t end, it changes. Maintaining a connection with that person can be seen as a healthy part of grieving. The wonderful aspect of this model is that it encourages creativity and collaboration within the therapeutic relationship. There are countless ways a client can continue navigating, maintaining, and adjusting their relationship with the loved one who is no longer here.

Conclusion

Grief theory has come a long way. Where Freud once emphasized breaking ties as quickly as possible to return to "normal," modern perspectives focus on finding healthy ways to acknowledge and reshape the connection that has been lost. For grievers, that shift has been a game changer. For the griever to accept that their emotional attachment continues long after the loved one has died, can be validating and healthy. Grief Rituals and continuing bond activities are a couple of avenues that allow the griever to find a healthy way to navigate that emotional attachment.

In my upcoming workshop, we'll explore diverse reasons clients will cling tightly to the past and to the connection that has been severed. It's crucial for clinicians to understand the value of individual Grief Rituals, ways to combat client's apprehension to use a Grief Ritual, and ways to collaborate with their client in creating an individual grief ritual to help navigate this painfully severed connection. As Jamie Anderson described grief, it's “love you want to give but can’t…” Continuing bond activities is another avenue a client can take to show love towards the person who died.

Come join me in exploring diverse continuing bond activities to better support your client in their grieving journey. ◼