Deconstructing Relationships: Transforming Conflict Into Fulfillment
Live Event

Deconstructing Relationships: Transforming Conflict Into Fulfillment

Fri, Jan 15th, 2027
11:00am – 2:15pm US Eastern Time
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About the Event

This seminar builds on the concept, as demonstrated by research in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (Burns, Gillihan, Beck), that there is a “core fear” driving our resistances and creating our conflicts. When applied to relationships, we see that this core fear is responsible for projecting how we view our partner (or others in a group we are relating to) to create false assumptions about them, and how we do so with ourselves as well (Johnson, Park). We then react to the core fear with a “chief defense” (Davenloo), an automatic habit that is designed to get us the love (or fulfillment or success) that we seek with others, but which inevitably backfires. In this sense, it is more precisely the chief defense that is responsible for our relational conflicts, even when we are certain the other has done something “wrong” (Fernanda). These premises lead to the realization that in any relationship, there are new alternatives for what we project and how we respond. Seeing this, we may choose those perceptions and responses that will bring understanding, empathy, and the opportunity for “flow” (Seligman, Cikszenthmihalyi). As such, relationships afford a unique opportunity for finding meaning (Costello) and the mindful discovery of how to negotiate life’s challenges more successfully (Kabat-Zinn, Roemer).

Live Event
This live online event will be held as a Zoom Webinar. Attendees will have the option to interact through features such as the Chat and Q&A, but cameras and microphones will not be enabled.

Live Event Instructor

Todd Pressman

Todd Pressman

Todd Pressman, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and international seminar leader. He is widely known for his work with Deconstructing Anxiety. He graduated with degrees in psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and Saybrook Institute. His books Deconstructing Anxiety: The Journey from Fear to Fulfillment, Radical Joy: Awakening Your Potential For True Fulfillment and The Bicycle Repair Shop: A True Story Of Recovery From Multiple Personality Disorder have all received high acclaim. In 1982, he traveled the world to study the great wisdom and healing traditions, including with a Zen master, a Jain family, a Zoroastrian high priest and a Sri Lankan firewalker. His education also includes an internship under Stanislav Grof, M.D. at the Esalen Institute. With a background deeply rooted in tradition (he was groomed by a father whose teachers were taught by Sigmund Freud), he has integrated this wide-ranging experience into a new program of psychological development called "Deconstructing Anxiety". His working model is based on Michelangelo’s ideal: to release the statue from the stone, the authentic Self from the overlays of imposed identity, into the discovery of freedom and fulfillment.

Target Audience

This live interactive is intended for Behavioral Health and Addictions professionals, including psychologists, social workers, counselors, marriage & family therapists, art therapists, school psychologists, psychoanalysts, music therapists, behavior analysts, school counselors, and addiction counselors. It is appropriate for intermediate levels of knowledge.

Learning Objectives

After taking this activity, you should be able to:

  1. 1 Describe the concepts of the core fear and chief defense.
  2. 2 Apply these concepts to the discovery of clients’ core fears and chief defenses.
  3. 3 Translate the dynamics of clients’ relationships in terms of their core fears and chief defenses.

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García-Vázquez, F. I., Valdés-Cuervo, A. A., Martínez-Ferrer, B., & Parra-Pérez, L. G. (2020). Forgiveness, gratitude, happiness, and prosocial bystander behavior in bullying. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, Article 2827. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02827

Ghochani, M., Saffarian Toosi, M., & Khoynezhad, G. (2020). A comparison between the effectiveness of the combined couple therapy and emotionally focused therapy for couples on the improvement of intimacy and PTSD. Learning and Motivation, 71, Article 101637. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.lmot.2020.101637

Greenman, P. S., & Johnson, S. M. (2022). Emotionally focused therapy: Attachment, connection, and health. Current Opinion in Psychology, 43, 146–150. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2021.06.015

Moon, H. G. (2019). Mindfulness of death as a tool for mortality salience induction with reference to Terror Management Theory. Religions, 10(6), Article 353. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel10060353

Moscovitch, D. A. (2009). What is the core fear in social phobia? A new model to facilitate individualized case conceptualization and treatment. Cognitive and Behavioral Practice, 16(2), 123–134. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cbpra.2008.04.002

Overall, N. C., Pietromonaco, P. R., & Simpson, J. A. (2022). Buffering and spillover of adult attachment insecurity in couple and family relationships. Nature Reviews Psychology, 1(2), 101-111. https://doi.org/10.1038/s44159-021-00011-1

Poole, E. J., Broos, H. C., Timpano, K. R., & Doss, B. D. (2025). The interplay of negative urgency and cognitive reappraisal in couples’ communication conflict. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 51(1), e12742. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12742

Spengler, P. M., Lee, N. A., Wiebe, S. A., & Wittenborn, A. K. (2024). A comprehensive meta-analysis on the efficacy of emotionally focused couple therapy. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 13(2), 81–99. https://doi.org/10.1037/cfp0000233

Wong, P. T. P. (2017). Meaning-centered approach to research and therapy, second wave positive psychology, and the future of humanistic psychology. The Humanistic Psychologist, 45(3), 207–216. https://doi.org/10.1037/hum0000062

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Faculty

There are no known relevant financial relationships to disclose.

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There is no commercial support for this distance-learning course.

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Event Agenda

Agenda times are listed in US Eastern Time. That is 3 hours later than US Pacific Time. The event starts at 8:00am US Pacific Time.

11:00-11:05 AM – Introduction 

11:05-11:30 AM – Understanding the concepts of the core fear and chief defense 

11:30-12:00 PM – Exercise: Finding the core fear: Digging for Gold, Exercise: Finding the chief defense: Who Are You Really?

12:00-12:30 PM – Exercise: Seeing the core fear and chief defense at work in our relationships

12:30-12:45 PM – Break

12:45-1:15 PM – New Strategies for Resolving Relational Conflicts: The principle of “doing the opposite” of the chief defense

1:15-1:45 PM – Exercise: The Deconstructing Relationships communication technique

1:45-2:05 PM – Exercise: The Warrior’s Stance in Relationships

2:05-2:15 PM – Q&A

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